you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
