I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Randomize
