In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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