Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
