my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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