I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
