oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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