i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
