Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My cat gives me a boner
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
