I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
