hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
