Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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