just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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