so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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