when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
