I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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