rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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