I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have feelings that need drinking.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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