I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
