real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
