I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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