no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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