Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
