I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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