update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
