Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
