All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
