Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
