That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
