Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
