saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
