Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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