I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
