Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
