listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
