"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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