He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
