You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
