You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
