I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
