You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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