for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
