I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
