just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
