Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
