we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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