HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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