He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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