What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my sisters under your porch take her home
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
