Barsexuality is the new black.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
