U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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