when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
