Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
