dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
