Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
